Parenting Class

Have you ever done research on different parenting styles in order to choose the best option? Or do you approach parenting from your experience of how you were raised as children. Perhaps you have said to yourself, "I will not raise my children the way my parents raised me" or "My parents spanked me and I turned out okay, so spanking will work on my children". Both responses are 'knee jerk' reactions on how to parent, not a purposeful choice to have a positive, workable parenting style based on sound parent training principles.

You may not even question your parenting style until you start having problems with your children. It may seem like suddenly your current parenting style doesn't work anymore and you don't know why. Good parenting does not necessarily come naturally. And, being a good parent is not easy but there are skills you can learn to meet the challenge of good parenting. It takes finding a sound, practical parenting style and then taking the time for training and practice.

Parent education is not required but is becoming more and more necessary and available as society has begun to value the job of parenting. Learning good parenting skills that are respectful and result oriented, is a challenge that can be met.

What are the goals of meeting the good parenting challenge?

• To eliminate the need for spanking, time-outs and grounding

• Move from reward and punishment to influence and cooperation
• Learn effective techniques that make "Temper Tantrums" a thing of the past
• A parenting style that is easy to implement and produces effective results
• To have children who are cooperative, responsible and happy
• Creating a lifelong positive and loving relationship with your children
• Learn a parenting style to raise children who will be responsible adults able to cope in the world

Parenting Styles

There are various parenting styles but they all fall into three basic categories. Most parents will have one primary parenting style but you will most likely see aspects of your particular parenting style in all of the them.

The Authoritarian Disciplinarian
This style of discipline assumes that children need to be controlled and given orders to ensure good behavior. Somewhere these parents got the notion that a child will be bad without a lot of rules and intervention. The authoritarian parent is strict, gives orders and expects them to be obeyed without question. They use a punishment and reward system to keep children within their acceptable limits of behavior. Often this approach seems to work especially when the children are young. What is often occurring underneath is that children are developing a real fear of their parents, they obey because they are afraid not to. This can encourage lying to get out of being yelled at or severely punished. It can impair their ability to learn to think things through and come up with good choices making them more susceptible to peer pressure.

Getting rewarded for good behavior sets a precedent for working hard to please others, thereby robbing the child of the personal satisfaction of a job well done.

As children get older, they can develop a resentment toward their parents and find ways to get even. Some will rebel as young children becoming defiant and angry others will rebel as they get older.

AN EXAMPLE

The Giving In Disciplinarian
Parents who consistently give in to the demands of their children, set limits and then change them allow their children to grow up without guidelines. They give in to their children because they often fear their children won't like them and/or they do not want to deal with a negative response. Other people see these children as spoiled. They often do not get along well with their peers or in school because they are used to getting their way.

As they get older they make more and more demands on their parents who can find themselves stressed to the max trying to fulfill their children's wishes while ignoring their own needs.

Children lose respect for their parents who cannot take a stand on any issue. These children are often not pleasant to be around

Giving In

This is a permissive parenting style.

Parents who adopt this style have concerns that their children will not like them if they set limits or they see themselves as their children's friend and not their parent who is there to guide and set limits. Children without limits have no sense of responsibility, have trouble with relationships and the rights of others and can find the world a difficult place. It is unfair to raise a child without limits or to keep changing the limits that are set. Children do not need or want freedom without limitations.

Giving Choices
Today's children will benefit most from a respectful, democratic parenting style.

 The days of "Do what I say without question" are over. This means seeing both parents and children as equals. Not in the sense of sameness but in value. Giving choices balances freedom with responsibilities. From an early age children can learn the consequences of their choices and that their decisions count. When children feel some ownership in their lives they are more cooperative. Parents can discipline without resorting to reward and punishment

Learn how to use the 'goal of misbehavior' as a guide to discipline your children without punishment

Treating your children with respect, what does that mean? You know, how does it translate into being a good parent? It means learning how to treat your children as equal to yourself. Not that they should have the freedom to stay up until midnight when they are 5 or drive a car when they are ten. But in the sense that their value as a person is equal to yours.